3 Surprising Ways ‘Being Selfish’ Makes Your Relationships HAPPIER

Flexing your selfish muscle takes practice but can contribute to healthier relationships, in these 3 extraordinary ways:

1. You’re more confident in your relationship with … yourself

This confidence then manifests in your outer being (in your posture, clothes, hairstyle, etc.) yet, it’s the inner presence that drives the outer shine. Partners want to please their significant other and desire to make them happy. You make this easier for your partner when you feel self-assured and express your specific wants positively. Besides, let’s face it, a confident person is usually feistier,

more interesting and therefore … highly attractive.

2. Everything you do becomes heart-centered

When you choose to do what’s in your heart, there’s an expanded purpose that feeds your soul … and it feels ecstatically GOOD! You become passionate about your choices, which may even include seemingly mundane activities. Personally, I like doing laundry — for me it’s cleansing and there’s pleasure in pulling fresh-smelling, warm towels from the dryer. When you approach tasks unconditionally, without expecting anything in return, you’re more connected to your heart center. You “feel” aligned with your purpose, which brings you a more peaceful and harmonic sense of self and those who surround you. No, “doing laundry” isn’t my “purpose,” but loving my day-to-day life certainly IS!

3. Those who love you finally get to see the genuine YOU

As in the example of my client, she is living her life for her husband, without truly knowing herself. When you open the door to make “selfish” choices, you open infinite possibilities to tap into a more expansive part of yourself. Suddenly, your intuition becomes more finely honed and you feel guided by an inner source that leads you to a new dimension in your relationships. The process definitely takes a little faith, vulnerability and a lot of surrendering to your natural instincts. In this way, your bond with your partner has a real chance to flourish by reaching into a deeper more genuine level of connection.

I know it’s difficult to consciously make this change. As we’re, often, stuck in patterns of behavior that become pure habit. As a result, we tend to forget what we like or what gives us gratification. So try these steps to start your journey toward healthy selfishness:

For the next three days, spend 5 minutes writing down the things you enjoy. Be silly. Be serious. Perhaps, it’s the simple things like taking a warm bubble bath, having a massage, reading, playing a sport, dancing, taking a yoga class, biking, gardening, playing with your dog, lunching with friends, or just doing nothing at all. What ever it is, make note of it.

Use your list to choose (at least) one thing to do every week that feeds your inner child, that vibrant essence of you. Try this over the next month! You may invite your partner to do this with you, but if he’s not interested, just do it anyway. It may take a half hour or half a day. Your choice. You deserve pleasurable experiences and giving yourself permission to do them is empowering — you’re worth the time invested in your joy.

Check your ego at every step. Why are you choosing to do what you’re doing? Without being judgmental in any way, be aware, mindful and take a few moments to evaluate how you feel afterwards. Consider sharing your feelings with your partner.
Everyone’s needs and desires are unique. Experiment for yourself and trust in your own powers of observation and self development. For Rebecca, she eventually learned to exercise better choices for herself and, as a result, her marriage has become more balanced and exciting. The only doormat in her life now is the one outside her front entrance.